Friday, June 20, 2008

The Long Way Around

Setting: Rapeman practice space, Chicago, 1987.
Characters: David Wm. Sims - Rapeman bassist
Rey Washam: Rapeman drummer
Steve Albini: Rapeman guitarist/ singer, general asshole, my hero

DWS: Where the hell is Steve, he's never been this late to practice!
RW: Maybe he's still fucked up from the Butthole Surfers show last night, I hear he -
- Steve Albini bursts through door, disheveled and excited -
SA: Guys, you'll never believe what the fuck just happened, I went to 1997 with these two surfer cocksmokers in this phonebooth!
- DWS and RW blankly stare at SA -
RW: Steve, you should go home, you are clearly way too fucked up from the Surfers last night to -
SA: No man, I'm totally fucking serious, and here's the best part, we mattered!
DWS: What?
SA: Look, we went to this record store so the phonebooth bros could get a Van Halen album or some shit like that, and the guy was playing this album by this band that sounded like MacKaye's DC ilk playing "Remain in Light" geek funk!
DWS: So you want this album to be more like that or something?
SA: Nah man, because when he saw how much I was getting into it, the dude behind the counter put this other album on, that sounded just like us playing the album before!
RW: Fuck, so what are you getting at?
SA: The point is we have to stick with the songs I wrote about my fucked sex life and the ZZ Top cover, because in ten years, its still going to be one of the best things out.
- RW and DWS shrug, finish their beers, and begin pounding the shit out of their instruments -


That could be the worst one act ever written, but here's the albums I referenced:

Rapeman: Two Nuns and a Packmule:
http://www.mediafire.com/?jmzndl5aea3


The Dismemberment Plan: The Dismemberment Plan Is Terrified
http://www.mediafire.com/?lnjiextxzb5


Talking Heads: Remain In Light
http://www.mediafire.com/?nf48jirbve4


Fugazi: Thirteen Songs
http://www.mediafire.com/?j5mm01y8nns


Six Finger Satellite: Severe Exposure
http://www.mediafire.com/?kemj9pb2tnl

2 comments:

Mars said...

Very good!
Love alla dos rekkids!
I got to see 6FS at the height of their powers during the 'paranormalized' tour in Boston. They brought up their own sound guy so it was all dubbed out and shit. Awesome show.

Chris said...

Man, that is so great, I regret that I was too young to care when all the greats like them were touring and putting out their best stuff in the 90s.